Traveling alone

Tags: travel, road trip, alone, neurotypicals, back to the land, exercise, spur of the moment, side roads, stay off the freeways, hell is other people

When I travel with neurotypicals, the social context assumes primary importance, and the trip becomes about social dominance games.

When I travel alone, I try to get close to the land. I get out and walk on it when I want. I travel slowly and look at the passing features. I wash in streams, boil water for coffee. I inhale, taste, the dirt when I do pushups; I feel the trees and smell the bark when I do pullups. I observe the ground I scrape from the bottom of my sandals before getting into the car. I pick up rocks and examine them, photograph them, collect them.

If I want to impulsively follow a side road, I do. If I want to climb a hill, I stop and do it. If I want to spend three days naked in the desert, I do it.

When I travel with a neurotypical, I feel constrained by their wants. I'm unable to express myself; their emotional force invariably overpowers me, shuts me up, censors me. So my desires go unfulfilled and I suffer their will in silence; and I get depressed.

When I travel alone, I listen to the music I want. I take out the recorder and play along, or practice. I play the radio at the volume I want, I find the radio stations that interest me. I'm not performing for anyone but myself; I'm not trying to please anyone but myself.