August 19 2017 Nineteen died yesterday. Tracie told me. I last saw Nineteen two weeks or so ago. He had his collar on after surgery to remove a cancerous wing growth, and to treat a wound under the same wing that he had been picking at (we now know) for years. Tracie used to call him "Screamy Teeny" because he would pick under that wing and screech. We didn't realize he was trying to tell us there was something wrong there. Last time I saw him, with the collar on to prevent him from picking at the wounds, he was perky and running about. He had figured out how to lift the bottom edge of the flat, circular collar with his beak so he could climb ladders. He was happy to be able to move about. But he kept trying to fly, and cut his wings and started bleeding. Then Tracie tried to fix the bleeding by pulling blood feathers. Did she make things worse? Tracie was on the phone with me when she pulled two blood feathers. I was whistling to Nineteen, whistling his call and Buddy's calls and my call. I was in the forest so I could whistle loud. She said he seemed to like it. I told Tracie to stop trying to pull blood feathers and take him to the emergency vet. She finally did, but hours later. The vet thought Teeny had stabilized as far as the bleeding was concerned. Tracie sent me a video of Nineteen sitting on her chest, looking at the camera. Nineteen knew was being filmed, and looked directly into the camera eye with his right eye. He half-closed his eye, then widened and closed his eyelids. He seemed content, not in pain. His breathing was very hard. He died later that night. I love you Nineteen. I hope to see you again in another life. --- I remember earlier this summer, maybe around July 4 when I stayed at Tracie's while she went to her mother's, listening to jazz on the Swing Kings Dish Network station (which Tracie still had then). I was drumming on the back of a wooden chair. Nineteen sat on the stool next to me, observing. Chico and Jojo sat on the ladder leading up to the stool. These were familiar locations for us. I would often sit on the wooden chair next to the cockatiels on the ladder, stool, and counter. Buddy used to sit on my shoulder. Then Buddy was gone. Sometimes Precious sat on my shoulder and once or twice he preened me, like Buddy used to. Then Precious flew away. Then Gizzy escaped and flew off after hanging around outside for four or five days. Anyway, I remember this last time when I was drumming and Teeny was paying attention, and a song finished and I stopped drumming and looked at Teeny. Teeny looked back, looked down from the stool at the other tiels, and smacked his beak. I felt he was letting me know he approved of my drumming. --- Teeny used to sing like a Meistersinger, like Buddy. He would sing with Gizzy after Buddy left. He wasn't as dedicated a singer as Buddy, but he remembered Buddy's calls and sang them. He also improvised on them, developing his own versions. He used to sing a distinctive five-note phrase that I identified as his particular invention, and I was singing that phrase to him in our last phone call. The first time I heard him use that phrase was on a phone call when I was in Arizona a year or two ago. --- In the last few months, Teeny stopped singing altogether. I guess he didn't feel happy enough? I used to try to sing with him. Sometimes he would lead me through all the old Buddy routines. But in the last few weeks or months, he just looked at me when I whistled at him. I love you Nineteen. I wish I took you out to the forest more. I wish I took you to Arizona. --- I remember when Nineteen walked up and down in a straight line on the kitchen table for three days after Peach died and Tracie left Peach's body in a plastic container on the kitchen table. Teeny's poos were very hard; I remember because I wiped them up from the table. The Chinese character "ku", meaning bitterness, comes to mind. Teeny's poos were "ku", indicating his psychological state. --- We had so much fun, Teeny, singing together ... I remember once I brought my recorder inside, and tried to play Teeny's signature call, the one he invented. But the sound of the recorder was too loud, I think, because Nineteen just looked scared and hid beside a cage. I remember Peach too did not like my recorder playing. Sometimes Peaches and Nineteen would move their wings just a short way up and down quickly, in disapproval of my music. Peach used to make the same quick wing flap when I popped the top on a beer can, when I was drinking a lot of beer. She didn't mind when I smoked pot though. Nineteen was such a natural musician, I take it as a real compliment that he smacked his beak at my drumming, seven weeks ago. --- Teeny loved pets. He would always put his head down to try to get you to pet him. He preferred pets to food, if I offered him pistachios or anything else I was eating. Buddy was interested in the food; Teeny was interested in being petted. He would incline his head and look up at me through half-closed eyes. His feathers were soft and silky around his neck. --- Sometimes Teeny would look at me head on, with both eyes fixing mine. I saw some kind of lobster resemblence there, sometimes. His eyes kind of bugged out, a little bit.